“And every one of them self-complacent, pretending respectability, bows politely, puffs out coarse cheeks, waves his hands, ogles, jabbers, crows. (They have many words: Experienced: someone who knows plenty of the little underhanded tricks. - Mature: has finally unlearned every ideal. Sophisticated: impertinent and ought to have been hanged long ago.)"

-Arno Schmidt

The Ingredients

• One large adult stewing hen, slaughtered, plucked, and parted. Alternatively, 4-5 pounds of chicken parts.
• One large onion, chopped.
• Two or three large carrots, chopped.
• Three medium-sized potatoes, chopped.
• Three celery stalks.
• Four garlic cloves, minced
• Salt.
• Black peppercorns.
• A heavy pinch of rosemary.
• A heavy pinch of thyme.
• A pinch of oregano.
• A pinch of marjoram.
• One bottle of decent white wine.Don't cook with shit-tier wine, but anything better is just fine.
• About a tablespoon of all-purpose flour.
• A small quantity of cooking fat.

Stew Him

1. Pour one glass of the wine and drink it while you cook.
2. Heat the cooking fat in the bottom of the cauldron, then add the onion and garlic with a pinch of salt and brown for about five minutes.
3. Add the chicken parts and two pinches of salt and turn until well-browned.
4. Pour the rest of the wine into the stew, deglaze pan, simmer for five minutes.
5. Add vegetables, spices, water to cover. Boil on high flame for five minutes, then reduce to a simmer. For this step, use two teaspoons of salt and one of black pepper.
6. Simmer for at least one hour, covered.
7. Remove a small quantity (one half cup) of broth and place in a small vessel. Add flour and whisk until no longer lumpy. Return this mixture to the cauldron and stir until mixed.
8. Repeat previous step for a thicker stew, as desired.
9. Taste; add salt and pepper as desired.
10. Serve.